http://www.issurvivor.com IS Survivor is run by Bob Lewis http://www.issurvivor.com en-us Copyright 2007, IS Survivor. ManagementSpeak: As you all know we are going through a major reorganization. Theoretically you all have jobs. Translation: Better make sure your resumes are up to date. This week's contributor might be going through a reorganization, and doesn't want to have to keep his resume up to date. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: We have no plans for redundancies and the business is doing great. Translation: Another 100 people will be marched offsite next week. I guess this week's anonymous contributor didn't want to be the next one marched offsite. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: What I did was entirely legal. Translation: I was a schmuck, but I'm not going to admit it to myself, let alone to you. KJR Club member Rand Fazar was a mensch -- he sent us a top-notch example of ManagementSpeak in action. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: You would think ... Translation: I didn't think it through, and it's your fault. KJR Club member George Martin thought the results of thinking things through through. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: We have to decide exactly what business we're in. Translation: We have no idea how to decide what business we're in and we don't really want any suggestions, thanks. This week's anonymous contributor knew that here at KJR, we're in the translation business. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: Work with me on this. Translation: Overlook the fact that my original plan won't work. Fix it without telling me, and make sure I get the credit. KJR Club member Ray Todd Stevens get the credit. He saw a different translation for last week's entry. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: Work with me on this. Translation: Do it my way. This week's contributor worked on this our way, but didn't want the credit for it. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp "There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot." -- Steven Wright http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: We just upgraded to a new version of the software. Translation: Not only does the software not work the way you expect it to, it doesn't work at all. Okay, I admit it -- no manager said this. I just "upgraded" to some new software that doesn't work at all. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: I've truly enjoyed working with you. Translation: I'm going to enjoy not working with you even more. I thoroughly enjoyed this week's translation and look forward to getting more from its anonymous source. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: This isn't rocket science, you know. Translation: I have no idea how complex this is or how long it should take to implement. So it must be easy, and you must be padding your estimate. For KJR Club member Gary Rathbun, interpreting the manager is what was easy. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: We'd like to introduce everyone to our new turnaround expert. Translation: You should all turn around and get your resume up on every job board you can find. A vote of thanks to this week's anonymous turn-of-phrase expert. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: We're going to have to do more with less. Translation: You're going to have to do more with less. KJR Club member Conrad Macina achieved greatness with a very short phrase. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: The primary purpose of this off-site is team building. Translation: The primary purposes of this off-site are golf and drinking. When it comes to interpreting what he hears, KJR Club member David Greusel sports a 3 handicap. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: The managers here are much younger than you. Do you have a problem with that? Translation: I have a problem with your age. This week's anonymous contributor has a problem with the phrase. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: When hiring, the first question I ask is "Can I trust this person?" Translation: When hiring, the first question I ask is, "Does this person remind me of me?" Even though he chose to remain anonymous, I'm sure we can trust this week's contributor. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: That's a very insightful analysis. Translation: It agrees perfectly with all of my biases. Speaking of insightful analyses, this one, from an anonymous contributor, agrees perfectly with my bias toward accurate interpretation. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: We are forming a business alliance with Company X. Translation: Company X is now in control. Get your resumes updated as fast as you can. KJR Club member Randy Godfrey formed an alliance with the forces of truth, justice and the American way with this submission. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: That can't be done for compliance reasons. Translation: This is great! I can blame Sarbanes-Oxley for any decision I make. KJR Club member Joseph Baxter complied with KJR policy -- he spotted a phrase that needed translating, sent it in, and gave permission to print his name. http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp ManagementSpeak: In order to o http://www.issurvivor.com/managementSpeak.asp